Envy to me has to be one of the hardest sins not to commit. I try so hard not to do it but sometimes I just can't.
Right now would be one of those moment where I just can't help it. I don't envy material things right now, but more I envy all my friends who are married. I envy my best friend who just had his second baby. Such a cute little kid. I envy the fact that everyone around me seems to have an eternal companion, while I get left in the dust. I envy that love that 2 people share that brings them closer to each other and to our father in heaven. I envy that special feeling you get when you come home and there she is to greet you at the door. I miss the goodnight I love you and kiss when she wraps her arms around you and you wake up to her beautiful smile and her beautiful touch. My heart has been ripped out once again, mainly because she didn't fell good enough for me. Such a lame reason to not want to be with someone. No woman out there should ever feel she isn't good enough for a guy. When in all reality we men are never good enough for the woman we end up with for the rest of our lives. If it wasn't for that constant companionship in our lives we would just wander around without a purpose. Most of the time I would pick up the broken pieces of my heart and put them back together and move on....I don't know if I want to do that anymore....It hurts more and more every time it happens and for me it happenes all too often. I really wish I knew what lesson I was supposed to learn so I could get on with it and finally meet the one for me. Is she out there wondering the same thing? I don't know. All I know is that right now I'm sorry hun, It might just take a little while longer for me to find you, because this last time around just broke my heart into too many pieces for me to want to fix right now....I really just want to crawl into a hole and not come out for a long time. I just want to forget everything that happend the last 8 months...But I can't, those memories are so burned into my very being that I can't ever forget them. I can't ever forget her. No matter how hard I try she will still be the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning, and the last person I think about before I go to bed. I so envy all of you my friends who have started your journy to your eternal glory with that special angel, that wonderful daughter of God at your side every step of the way. I want that so bad, O at least I have for a long time....I don't want to go through the heartbreak of having yet another girl tell me that I'm a great guy and that she is out there, but I'm not the one for them. I'm tired of every girl running away because I'm honest with them and don't treat them like crap, because for some reason that is a bad thing. To be treated like you matter and to be cared for and loved, for some idiotic reason has become a reason to run away from a person, rather than embrace it. So many girls think that if he treats me like dirt, he must really like me, and if he treats me like an angel I should freak out. To all the girls out there that read this look out! I'm caring, loving, honest, friendly, heart felt, I will treat you like the princess you are, like the daughter of God that you have been all your life. Look out for me because I'm someone that will never call you names, never make you feel like you are worthless...look out for me because I know you would rather be with some low life that treats you like your nothing. I still haven't figured out why its like that here in happy valley, but that is exactly how it is. If he treats me the way I know I should be treated I should freak out and think he's a creep. Oh but that guy over there just called me and idiot. Wow he must love me. Nice guys like me always and forever for whatever reason will always finish last...I just don't want to do it anymore. I just want her in my life...I have so much to give, that I just wish one person would actually try to be in a relationship with me rather then act like this is a cool thing to have a boyfriend. Works for everyone else out there, but apparently its to far of a strech for me.
