A few weeks ago in church our bishop was teaching the last hour class or elders quorum in my ward, and he was talking about people that had come and gone in his life and the people that stuck out the most to him and those that made huge impacts on his life. He then proceeded to go around the room and ask us if there was anyone in our lives that had a huge impact or really any sort of impact at all in our lives.
It really got me thinking and even almost 3 weeks later it is still something I think about..and it has raised a few questions in my life...One of them being "why do certain people come into our lives leave such a mark, then leave so suddenly?" Has that happened to any of you? I'm sure it has. I mean how many random amazing people come into our lives, leave their mark and then just take the next train out of town? One of those more recent for me would be my ex...She came left her black mark and then moved on to the next guy in a matter of a week after she left me....and as hard as it is to finally realize that the main reason she was in my life was to show me exactly what I didn't want in my future wife and although she did have some of the qualities I want I deserve someone so much better then her, so much more not selfish then she was...even though it still hurts me a lot some days of how quickly she vanished, she was still a huge part of my life...but she is just an example...
But that really isn't why I am here writing this post, Today I would like to talk about one of the people in my life that impacted me for the so very good and not once at all the bad....His name is Yukous Inoye, I probably butchered the spelling of his name, so I hope he forgives me lol...He was a little man from Japan that lived in my neighborhood one street up from mine...I remember him as a little kid always out cleaning his house or watering his lawn, keeping up his garden. He had moved here from Japan with his wife when he was I believe in his twenties maybe later, and seemed like a pretty cool guy..I never really talked to him much when I was a little boy....but when I became a scout I got my first glimpse of what Mr. Inoye was like. My best friend Cam and I were out promoting flags for a fundraiser and we got to his house....we knocked on his door and his wife opened, who in all her 40 or 50 some odd years didn't really know how to speak English very well, if at all...more on that later....She smiled said hi and ran to get her husband. He came to the door we did our approach on selling the flags for a fundraiser so us little 12 year old scouts could go to camp and how he could have an American flag in his yard some 11 times during the year. He stood there and looked at us for a second o two and then said "you are selling bugs? We don't want any bugs here" we repeated what we said before and he repeated the same and we did it off and on for a few minutes before he invited us in for some candy and to give us the check for the flags....I left his house that day thinking he was a crazy hilarious old man that was a little delusional and we went on our way..little did I know the road I would start with this man.
Through the years he would always stop my friends and I from the ward at church and talk to us and tell us little words of wisdom and give us a treat and his wife would smile, but that was about all we got from him. One day though when I was about 17 or 18 I was walking over to a buddies house of mine that lived right across the street from Yukous. Well Reece wasn't home from work yet so I went out to help his mom clean up the yard a little bit till he got home, cause believe it or not I had chores at his house...It was the price for me eating there all the time lol....we got done cleaning up and I noticed that Yukous was trying to pry some weed gigantor bush out of his garden, I think he noticed that I was looking cause he yelled out across the street "hey you boy! come help me with this" It made me giggle but I ran over and pulled it out for him, then he pointed at another one, then another, then a few more, and a half an hour later he was done with his weeding...I stood up brushed myself off and before I could turn around and head back over to my friends house, he put his hand on my shoulder and asked me to come inside for a drink and that he wanted to show me something. His wife brought me a glass of lemonade gave me a hug and went back into the kitchen area of the house, he pulled me aside into his den and asked me to take a seat. To be honest I was kinda freaking out...lol this was the farthest I had ever been in his house and to add to that I had no idea what he wanted from me, did I do something wrong? was He gonna lock me up and make me always weed lol...I can't remember what was going through my head at the time, but needless to say I was worried. He sat me down in a chair in his den, and left the room for a moment...Now to understand Yukous better, at this point in time I believe he was around 90 years old. He didn't move around quickly at all...So it gave me some time to look at the tons of pictures I just realized were all over the room. He came back into the room and was like "that was me playing football back in the day" He sat down next to me and thanked me for my help then began to just talk. Ask me how I was doing, how school was going, how life had been treating me, what I was doing in school, girls etc. I told him school was going great, I was playing football at the time so we talked about that some, he took down the picture that was on the wall of him playing football and I hadn't noticed till he handed it to me that he was wearing the old style helmets, if you can even call them that, they basically are what the forwards wear today playing rugby..they weren't helmets at all..he showed me some pictures of him during WWII and told me that story. He was living in Utah when Pearl Harbor was attacked and him and his whole family were taken away and put into a camp because they were thought to be spies for the country of Japan, and then later on he ended up serving the United States throughout to the end of the war. He told me so many stories that kinda had me shocked...He was such a stud in his youth and to be honest he still was. We talked a little while longer and then he started giving me some advice on things he could see from just us talking...All the while I just sat there soaking it all in, but at the same time wondering why he had taken such an interest in me and giving me advice, even now I still wonder why he did that. He told me he had to take care of some stuff and that he would see me later so I went over to my buddies house and continued on with my day, thinking about what he said to me. I still think about it a lot and I think about a lot of the things he said to me over the next year or so till he passed away..A lot of times he would just stop me at church and talk, and when that man got up to bear his testimony it was like watching the prophet enter a room..no one would talk, just all eyes on him as he walked up on his cane to the podium. Watching him and his wife together was almost like what a Disney fantasy would be like, they were so incredible together, since she couldn't speak much English she would bear her testimony in Japanese and he would translate. It was awesome to watch. He died right before I went on my mission and I really do miss him a lot, and I could really use him and his advice right now in my life. I'm kinda feeling a little lost and I just don't know what to do at the moment...Not really fun, but Yukous will always have a place in my life as one of the heros that came and for some reason took aside some random kid and helped them out a lot..Makes me wonder if I have ever had an impact in someone else life and has always wanted to make me a better person...Thank you Mr. Inoye!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Ipod's
I recently(last night) became the proud owner of a new Ipod Touch, 4th Generation. My Ipod classic in all it's glory at a 120 GB is amazing, but not able to do some of the things that I wanted, so I saved up some cash and bought my new toy...Can I just say this thing is AMAZING?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I must admit that while I knew I was buying the 32GB Touch, I had no idea it was the 4th generation and basically came with tons of awesome stuff...It had duel cameras, can do face time calls with other ipoders, and tons of other things I'm finding out as I go along the road...Which Is pretty much amazing from were they started out at.
You see I remember when Ipods first came out..I was on my mission, and I remember getting a letter from my mom talking about these new music things that could hold all your music and such. I had just recently bought a CD player to play my MOTAB and EFY goodness when she told me this..I had no idea what she was talking about and was just perfectly happy with what I had in my CD player...A couple months went by and people were talking out them in the good ol streets of Guadalajara Spain were I was then serving. Now Guad was a small little city and things got there kinda later after other bigger cities so I didn't know that Madrid had already gotten the Ipods..Were they selling them in stores? Were they being sold out of little Kiosko out in the park? Could you buy them from the little old lady down our street that somehow sold everything? No, you could buy them out of a vending machine...you just walk up stick your credit card in the machine and down drops your 200 euro thing to the bottom were hopefully it didn't break. People were all over these things! I finally got a hold of one of the first generation ipods and looking at what I've got now, it makes me kinda laugh. The old Ipods were black and white screens, no color and I believe the casings on them were just one color. White..They were like 2 inches thick and could probably withstand a bullet shot o being run over by a truck, they were huge and bulky and girls probably used them to warn off would be kidnappers while they ran....because the headphones formed an eternal grip of death with the pod and I remember swinging one around by the headphones just cause the member in my area said I couldn't do it without breaking it...Two problems with that...one, don't tell me what I can't do, with anything not to mention your expensive electronics..and two don't give me your expensive electronic and then tell me to try it...not smart...Needless to say I proved him wrong and he was able to continue listening to his musical tunes. They were like the first cellphones that came out when they did, that had a rotor dialer and were 9 feet tall. Pretty epic...The one I picked up yesterday is maybe a 1/4 of an inch thick, has a screen that I'm afraid to touch cause it could break and is the optimum example of music awesomeness......and as it would have been great to buy it from a vending machine like back in the day it probably would of broken into 300 pieces from the fall of a few feet..so I'm glad I didn't..needless to say I love the thing. Also I have way too many electronics...But I love them...My phone and now my Ipod touch have helped me survive many meetings and stay awake rather then being asleep in the front row dreaming of my hopes of finding something that would help me stay awake....I have used them many times for dance parties and have gotten to Disney Land and Sea World and many other places like around Salt Lake, with little problem, because apparently when I get to Salt Lake all my tracking knowledge goes out the window and I become a moron...Heck I have even kept a group of 4 year old kids quiet with my one ipod...now that ladies and gents is the power of something that I can't think of right now... All in all it's pretty incredible how far we have come and how we still have so far to go....those umpa lumpas deserve so much more credit then they get...also they should sing more...Hilarious...
You see I remember when Ipods first came out..I was on my mission, and I remember getting a letter from my mom talking about these new music things that could hold all your music and such. I had just recently bought a CD player to play my MOTAB and EFY goodness when she told me this..I had no idea what she was talking about and was just perfectly happy with what I had in my CD player...A couple months went by and people were talking out them in the good ol streets of Guadalajara Spain were I was then serving. Now Guad was a small little city and things got there kinda later after other bigger cities so I didn't know that Madrid had already gotten the Ipods..Were they selling them in stores? Were they being sold out of little Kiosko out in the park? Could you buy them from the little old lady down our street that somehow sold everything? No, you could buy them out of a vending machine...you just walk up stick your credit card in the machine and down drops your 200 euro thing to the bottom were hopefully it didn't break. People were all over these things! I finally got a hold of one of the first generation ipods and looking at what I've got now, it makes me kinda laugh. The old Ipods were black and white screens, no color and I believe the casings on them were just one color. White..They were like 2 inches thick and could probably withstand a bullet shot o being run over by a truck, they were huge and bulky and girls probably used them to warn off would be kidnappers while they ran....because the headphones formed an eternal grip of death with the pod and I remember swinging one around by the headphones just cause the member in my area said I couldn't do it without breaking it...Two problems with that...one, don't tell me what I can't do, with anything not to mention your expensive electronics..and two don't give me your expensive electronic and then tell me to try it...not smart...Needless to say I proved him wrong and he was able to continue listening to his musical tunes. They were like the first cellphones that came out when they did, that had a rotor dialer and were 9 feet tall. Pretty epic...The one I picked up yesterday is maybe a 1/4 of an inch thick, has a screen that I'm afraid to touch cause it could break and is the optimum example of music awesomeness......and as it would have been great to buy it from a vending machine like back in the day it probably would of broken into 300 pieces from the fall of a few feet..so I'm glad I didn't..needless to say I love the thing. Also I have way too many electronics...But I love them...My phone and now my Ipod touch have helped me survive many meetings and stay awake rather then being asleep in the front row dreaming of my hopes of finding something that would help me stay awake....I have used them many times for dance parties and have gotten to Disney Land and Sea World and many other places like around Salt Lake, with little problem, because apparently when I get to Salt Lake all my tracking knowledge goes out the window and I become a moron...Heck I have even kept a group of 4 year old kids quiet with my one ipod...now that ladies and gents is the power of something that I can't think of right now... All in all it's pretty incredible how far we have come and how we still have so far to go....those umpa lumpas deserve so much more credit then they get...also they should sing more...Hilarious...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
This one time.....
So I have been kinda quiet the last little while. Mainly because trying to word the thoughts that I have in my head in such a way as to not offend certain people. To be honest though I don't really care anymore. I can't keep holding thoughts in over things and that is one thing I've always tried to work on.
I know what I'm about to say in this post is going to stir the water and make a few people mad...but right now I just don't care....You were not there, you did not experience what was going on and you don't really know me...Be mad if you want but your being mad because I have the guts to say what I'm feeling. To the "friends" of my ex that I know are gonna read this, be mad at me for all I care, I know you are going to run to her and tell her how much of a horrible person that I am for saying all these "lies" and that you are so glad she got rid of me. I know she's your friend and I know that's what friends do, but really take a look at your friend and if you realize she has done something wrong with this o with anything else have the guts to stand up and tell her, and since most of you don't know me not that its your fault, don't treat me like I'm horrible, like I said you were not there, I was. I speak my mind and I tell it like it is...yea I wasn't perfect, but I tried to do my best to treat your friend with the respect and care she deserved. Maybe if any of you would actually take the time to get to know me you would understand that.
Now the majority of my last few post have been about a certain person in my life. A certain someone that I love with all my heart and still really care about..and miss a lot...Now she doesn't believe when I say that at all but that is just her loss, and while I am super pissed off at recent things I have found out about her that were going on while we were together deep down somewhere I still really care for her. I can't trust her at all anymore or I should say for at least a really long time....A good friend of hers a couple days ago got online and started talking to me, something non of her friends ever did..so needless to say I was a little surprised...She asked me to stop saying that she was a cheater and that she never cheated on me while we were dating....That brought up a few thoughts about what cheating really is to me...There is obviously the cheating where you date other people at the time you are in love and together with someone else, and there is the cheating of someones time and feelings...I believe she did so much of the latter..I also found out that the majority of the 9 months we were together that almost everything that came out of her mouth was a complete and total lie. That ladies and gentlemen of the jury is something I will never stand for and it really pisses me off and sad to say made this friend of hers I found it out from also really mad and sad....You see my ex basically wanted to and created a web of lies to do so, but live two very separate lives, the one that we had together, and the life that included every one else...friends, family, school, everything else....She wanted to keep me out of everything else she did...trying to see how her day went was like trying to catch and pull teeth from a hippo...I had always wanted to meet her friends and spend time with them, mainly because that was a huge thing to her. Also if you don't cut it with the friends you are pretty much doomed. This is were all the lying started....Every time I would try and get together with the friends my ex would always say oh well they don't like you o they are busy tonight o they would never wanna do that, and so many other things...which kinda always made me mad because they never really knew me..I met them all maybe twice in our time together and it was for maybe 5 minutes each time...So I didn't understand why that was such a problem...But it also made me not like them...but after talking to this friend a few days ago that wasn't the case at all...they actually really liked me and always wanted to meet me but my ex always came up with some stupid excuse one of which was I didn't like them...but she got so caught up in her lies that they just kept getting worse and worse and worse...So my ex and I didn't work out and broke up over a huge web of lies..Which really ticks me off...because we were really good together, but she started believing all this BS that she had created between me, her family and friends that she just thought we weren't good together and that's that..It also made this friend really sad because of the fact that most of our arguments that my ex and me had were over pointless lies...they had a few talks about this but I guess nothing stuck with my ex because she continued to lie through her teeth...So in the end we broke up over a web of lies created so my selfish ex could live a life without me..and one with me...That got me thinking a lot the other day(which can be very dangerous lol) Why would a person want to lead a double life? Why would you want to lie to everyone and tell them that the other person doesn't like you? Now I'm not trying to say I was Mr. Perfect because I did my own share of things that were not right in our relationship, but I always tried to fix them and talk things over rather than bottle it up till it was too late...I always wanted to try and get to know these other girl friends of hers so I could give them a reason to not like me if they still didn't after it all. Come to find out this one girl who I thought hated me the most did the same thing, but my ex would always lie and make up some story as to why I never wanted to come along. Which really bugs me, cause she knew that I always wanted to get to know them better...I got in trouble because I started talking to one of them on Facebook once and she thought it was weird that her friends boyfriend would talk to her...now why the hell would that be weird? honestly I still have never figured that one out...all I wanted to do was to get to know her better and since my ex wasn't doing anything to accomplish that I figured I would do it myself...which apparently is against everything good and holy and condemned as a sin in my ex's eyes..I was deemed controlling because I asked her how her day was...Heaven forbid I ever ask the person I'm dating how her day went...now there is much more I could say but I don't feel like I need to...Now to all the so called friends of my ex that have all the sudden taken a huge interest in my blogs because my ex says that she doesn't anymore but all her friends do now....grow up...find something better to do with your time then read what I have to say about a relationship that you were all lied to about and have no idea what really happened...I think its way funny that you have to read this and then run back like little kids to tell my ex what mean things I wrote about that are all not true...which I'm sorry I just don't believe......and to my ex....thank you so much for the great times that we did have, no matter how few they were....I really enjoyed making dinner together and and the shows and games we went to, I enjoyed our drives and our fun little inside jokes and how every time I looked into your eyes it was like the very first time...your big beautiful blue eyes are always gonna be in my mind...but more so thank you for completely wasting 8 almost 9 months of my life....thank you for not having the courage and be selfish to hide me from every other aspect of your life so you could lead your double life...thank you for all the lies and BS that you created and started that made me constantly feel like I was never good enough for everything in your life and led me to believe that everyone you really cared about hated me...I know at times you liked me and I know you had your moments when you loved me, but those are so overshadowed by all the lies that were told and the betrayals that I feel right now....and thank you for breaking up with me over texting then having the guts to come talk to me face to face....I really do think you are a wonderful person in some aspects.....I do love you very much and wish you the best...but I also think that right now in your life you are also very shallow and selfish, and hopefully for your sake you realize that and change, because if you don't you are going to get a rude awakening one day, and I would never wish that on anyone....You deserve to be happy and you deserve the best, but I don't see that happening if you keep up what you did for the last 8 months.
I so often wonder why people do things like this instead of just being real and trying to get to know a person before you jump to conclusions...I know that by future people mainly future girls in my life that read this if anyone ever does, that they are gonna instantly run away because I'm so judgmental, o I'm so mean to this person and how dare I tell the world. Well this is my journal, I don't like writing so I have this, that's why its hidden so not many people know about it...I don't name names and even though I said all this, I still really care for the person, and I truly wish things would have been different, because when it was great it was amazing. Please also realize that you were never there, you didn't see what happened o what went on in the relationship. I've said plenty of times through this that I really do care and love this person, but it's like when we were kids and you did something stupid and all the sudden you are being talked to from everyone in your life on how much they care and love you, but are disappointed because you did something stupid. That really is all that I am. The anger has mostly gone away, but the disappointment of the realization that I put my whole heart into this, that I did everything I could to show this person how much I loved and cared for and wanted to be there for, took it right back and slapped me in the face with it..That is what hurts the most...it's something that no one deserves to go through, but sadly people go through it all the time, and to be honest there was a time in my life when I did it to a few people as well...and It did one day slap me back..I wish I could take those moments back and make things right...and one day I hope this person finds the guy that she doesn't have to lie to everyone about...I learned a lot after all this has gone down and this year and until I find her, I'm gonna do everything I can to not repeat the same mistakes I have in the past, because I have so much to offer someone, I have so much to give, I just hope there is someone out there willing to take the time to go through all the screw ups I will make and all the heartaches to get to the end goal with me, because in the end, I really do think I am worth it...If you don't please just move along...
I know what I'm about to say in this post is going to stir the water and make a few people mad...but right now I just don't care....You were not there, you did not experience what was going on and you don't really know me...Be mad if you want but your being mad because I have the guts to say what I'm feeling. To the "friends" of my ex that I know are gonna read this, be mad at me for all I care, I know you are going to run to her and tell her how much of a horrible person that I am for saying all these "lies" and that you are so glad she got rid of me. I know she's your friend and I know that's what friends do, but really take a look at your friend and if you realize she has done something wrong with this o with anything else have the guts to stand up and tell her, and since most of you don't know me not that its your fault, don't treat me like I'm horrible, like I said you were not there, I was. I speak my mind and I tell it like it is...yea I wasn't perfect, but I tried to do my best to treat your friend with the respect and care she deserved. Maybe if any of you would actually take the time to get to know me you would understand that.
Now the majority of my last few post have been about a certain person in my life. A certain someone that I love with all my heart and still really care about..and miss a lot...Now she doesn't believe when I say that at all but that is just her loss, and while I am super pissed off at recent things I have found out about her that were going on while we were together deep down somewhere I still really care for her. I can't trust her at all anymore or I should say for at least a really long time....A good friend of hers a couple days ago got online and started talking to me, something non of her friends ever did..so needless to say I was a little surprised...She asked me to stop saying that she was a cheater and that she never cheated on me while we were dating....That brought up a few thoughts about what cheating really is to me...There is obviously the cheating where you date other people at the time you are in love and together with someone else, and there is the cheating of someones time and feelings...I believe she did so much of the latter..I also found out that the majority of the 9 months we were together that almost everything that came out of her mouth was a complete and total lie. That ladies and gentlemen of the jury is something I will never stand for and it really pisses me off and sad to say made this friend of hers I found it out from also really mad and sad....You see my ex basically wanted to and created a web of lies to do so, but live two very separate lives, the one that we had together, and the life that included every one else...friends, family, school, everything else....She wanted to keep me out of everything else she did...trying to see how her day went was like trying to catch and pull teeth from a hippo...I had always wanted to meet her friends and spend time with them, mainly because that was a huge thing to her. Also if you don't cut it with the friends you are pretty much doomed. This is were all the lying started....Every time I would try and get together with the friends my ex would always say oh well they don't like you o they are busy tonight o they would never wanna do that, and so many other things...which kinda always made me mad because they never really knew me..I met them all maybe twice in our time together and it was for maybe 5 minutes each time...So I didn't understand why that was such a problem...But it also made me not like them...but after talking to this friend a few days ago that wasn't the case at all...they actually really liked me and always wanted to meet me but my ex always came up with some stupid excuse one of which was I didn't like them...but she got so caught up in her lies that they just kept getting worse and worse and worse...So my ex and I didn't work out and broke up over a huge web of lies..Which really ticks me off...because we were really good together, but she started believing all this BS that she had created between me, her family and friends that she just thought we weren't good together and that's that..It also made this friend really sad because of the fact that most of our arguments that my ex and me had were over pointless lies...they had a few talks about this but I guess nothing stuck with my ex because she continued to lie through her teeth...So in the end we broke up over a web of lies created so my selfish ex could live a life without me..and one with me...That got me thinking a lot the other day(which can be very dangerous lol) Why would a person want to lead a double life? Why would you want to lie to everyone and tell them that the other person doesn't like you? Now I'm not trying to say I was Mr. Perfect because I did my own share of things that were not right in our relationship, but I always tried to fix them and talk things over rather than bottle it up till it was too late...I always wanted to try and get to know these other girl friends of hers so I could give them a reason to not like me if they still didn't after it all. Come to find out this one girl who I thought hated me the most did the same thing, but my ex would always lie and make up some story as to why I never wanted to come along. Which really bugs me, cause she knew that I always wanted to get to know them better...I got in trouble because I started talking to one of them on Facebook once and she thought it was weird that her friends boyfriend would talk to her...now why the hell would that be weird? honestly I still have never figured that one out...all I wanted to do was to get to know her better and since my ex wasn't doing anything to accomplish that I figured I would do it myself...which apparently is against everything good and holy and condemned as a sin in my ex's eyes..I was deemed controlling because I asked her how her day was...Heaven forbid I ever ask the person I'm dating how her day went...now there is much more I could say but I don't feel like I need to...Now to all the so called friends of my ex that have all the sudden taken a huge interest in my blogs because my ex says that she doesn't anymore but all her friends do now....grow up...find something better to do with your time then read what I have to say about a relationship that you were all lied to about and have no idea what really happened...I think its way funny that you have to read this and then run back like little kids to tell my ex what mean things I wrote about that are all not true...which I'm sorry I just don't believe......and to my ex....thank you so much for the great times that we did have, no matter how few they were....I really enjoyed making dinner together and and the shows and games we went to, I enjoyed our drives and our fun little inside jokes and how every time I looked into your eyes it was like the very first time...your big beautiful blue eyes are always gonna be in my mind...but more so thank you for completely wasting 8 almost 9 months of my life....thank you for not having the courage and be selfish to hide me from every other aspect of your life so you could lead your double life...thank you for all the lies and BS that you created and started that made me constantly feel like I was never good enough for everything in your life and led me to believe that everyone you really cared about hated me...I know at times you liked me and I know you had your moments when you loved me, but those are so overshadowed by all the lies that were told and the betrayals that I feel right now....and thank you for breaking up with me over texting then having the guts to come talk to me face to face....I really do think you are a wonderful person in some aspects.....I do love you very much and wish you the best...but I also think that right now in your life you are also very shallow and selfish, and hopefully for your sake you realize that and change, because if you don't you are going to get a rude awakening one day, and I would never wish that on anyone....You deserve to be happy and you deserve the best, but I don't see that happening if you keep up what you did for the last 8 months.
I so often wonder why people do things like this instead of just being real and trying to get to know a person before you jump to conclusions...I know that by future people mainly future girls in my life that read this if anyone ever does, that they are gonna instantly run away because I'm so judgmental, o I'm so mean to this person and how dare I tell the world. Well this is my journal, I don't like writing so I have this, that's why its hidden so not many people know about it...I don't name names and even though I said all this, I still really care for the person, and I truly wish things would have been different, because when it was great it was amazing. Please also realize that you were never there, you didn't see what happened o what went on in the relationship. I've said plenty of times through this that I really do care and love this person, but it's like when we were kids and you did something stupid and all the sudden you are being talked to from everyone in your life on how much they care and love you, but are disappointed because you did something stupid. That really is all that I am. The anger has mostly gone away, but the disappointment of the realization that I put my whole heart into this, that I did everything I could to show this person how much I loved and cared for and wanted to be there for, took it right back and slapped me in the face with it..That is what hurts the most...it's something that no one deserves to go through, but sadly people go through it all the time, and to be honest there was a time in my life when I did it to a few people as well...and It did one day slap me back..I wish I could take those moments back and make things right...and one day I hope this person finds the guy that she doesn't have to lie to everyone about...I learned a lot after all this has gone down and this year and until I find her, I'm gonna do everything I can to not repeat the same mistakes I have in the past, because I have so much to offer someone, I have so much to give, I just hope there is someone out there willing to take the time to go through all the screw ups I will make and all the heartaches to get to the end goal with me, because in the end, I really do think I am worth it...If you don't please just move along...
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