The Lord Works in Misterious Ways

The last couple days have all been a blur to me, the days just haven't been the same. My old routine that I loved of going to work getting off and going home waiting for Katie to get done and come over are gone for now and for the first time in my life its been so hard to deal with...I didn't realize how huge of an impact she had on my life till she was no longer in it..I break down at almost the slightest thought of her and I just don't know what to do.

Tuesday morning I text my bishop and asked him if there was any way he could met up for some time to talk. See if he could help give me some council to deal with this right now, he said he would be happy to meet with me on Wednesday and I looked forward to it. Now this was something new to me, I've never had the urge to go and talk to my bishop before after a break up. The next day rolled along and I was trying to figure out what to say and how to get the most out of what was gonna happen. Katie and me started talking again on Tuesday and we were chatting online right before I got off work. We had decided that we couldn't keep it up like this so we decided to meet up later that night after she got off work.

Now even though she was the one that wanted to take this break I still feel like it was something that I did even though she said it wasn't to cause this break in our relationship for the time being. From the moment she left my apartment Monday night I couldn't get a certain thought out of my head that I have some things I need to get with my bishop and take care of. So that's why I called him and asked if we could get together. When I arrived at his place that feeling was even stronger, we got talking and I told him that I feel like this is the reason that even though Katie feels everything is going really good, she loves me, wants to be with me, but at the same time something wasn't right. He sat there for a second and after a few he looked up and smile at me. He then started talking to me about Adam and Eve and how when Satan made them aware that they were naked and had committed a sin, and how he told them to hide and cover themselves when the Lord called out for them. The next part hit home for me. The Lord called out for them and when they didn't answer the first time he then said where art thou. In Moses it says where go est thou? We continued talking about how the Lord knows everything about you. Well most of us would go duh we learned about that in primary. But what was new to me is when my bishop said that sometimes the Lord will let us do things in our lives that may be bad for us to a certain extent then one way or another will be like ok, were are you going? its time to come back to me now. He then told me a story I have heard a number of times in church and in his meetings about a time in his practice were one of his best friends at the time also partner made up some rumors about him and it almost broke up the whole practice. Well my bishop went into a state of depression for 3 years. His prayers at night started to get less and less meaningful, and the most interesting thing he said was in his prayers he would tell the Lord that he just wasn't ready to give that certain thing up yet, and that's how it went for the 3 year period. Well he got to the point where he just wasn't anything anymore but a withering human shell, he knelt down and told the Lord I cant do this anymore please take it away from me.

I had gotten to this point in my life. But our Heavenly Father made me realize it in a completely different way. He put one of the most amazing wonderful daughters of his father in my path and said here she is. But there's a catch. I'll let you get close enough to realize how much she means to you, how much you love her and want her in your life. But that's as far as I'm gonna let it go. If you want to see the outcome its time to come back to me. Now that may sound harsh to some but to me I really needed that smack in the face..Katie really is one of a kind person that I would gladly give up my life for her if it meant she was safe. I love her with all my heart. Now wither this means that we will start up a relationship later down the road and get married o she is in my life to help me prepare for someone else I don't know yet. All I know is I'm so happy that the Lord put someone in my life to put me in my place. It's a funny thought to me that I thought last night..Satan knows your weaknesses, and if you think about it in a certain way the Lord uses those same weaknesses as a strength to bring you back off of the beaten path. This is something that I am going to be doing for me and also gonna be doing for Katie, because if this ever does mount to something else I want to be the best for her in everything that she needs and all her wishes of a perfect temple experience.. I left the bishops with a new way of thinking and some homework to do lol. Katie dropped by my place later that night and we set off to go find a quiet place to talk. I was really worried how this was gonna go, and to find out she was too. But the night ended with a great respect for each other and a great talk. We are going to continue dating but she is just gonna add some extra dates into the mix. Now that is something that is gonna hurt so bad to know..I don't think anyone wants to know the girl/guy they love is out with someone else. But it's something she thinks she needs to do and while it doesn't make sense to me I will respect it. Hands were held we cuddled some and there was even a goodnight kiss, something I never expected in my wildest dreams to ever happen so soon. I love that girl with all my heart and I look forward to the next few however long this is gonna take..It's gonna take some time to get used to her dating other guys, but I think its gonna be all worth it in the end. Love you Katie and thank you so much for everything you do for me. You are amazing.

Relationships

This is probably one of the hardest blogs that I have ever written, or the hardest thing I have ever written period... I was with the most amazing girl in the world up until last night when she decided that we needed to take a break...Now this is something that tears me apart...I love this girl with all my heart and I want her to be happy. Last nights conversation was filled with tears, hugs, and hopefully not last goodbyes..

After our movie we sat in my car and she proceeded to tell me something I always feared with her, but kinda had an idea would happen sooner o later. She loves me, she loves being with me, she thinks I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her, but there is something in the back of her mind that just doesn't seem right, and her only way of figuring out what that is, is by going out there putting herself back on the market if you will and date other guys...When she said this my heart sank. I came to realize over the week that I was gone in Indiana how much I was in love with Katie and how I would gladly give my life for her if it came down to it. I know she loves me too, cause I've felt it from her when she says it to me, but I know she is really hurting at this as well, she left last night saying she's hoping she's not making the biggest mistake of her life but it feels like she is...

Now I get to sit back and wait for that call o message from her saying I've figured it out and we need to talk, and honestly this is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to wait for. Mainly because in order for her to do this I have to sit there and watch her date other guys week after week, till she comes to a conclusion of what she wants...Even after then I don't know the outcome. She may decide that she wants to be with me again, o she may decide that she needs to move on. She wants me to do the same thing but I already found what I want and there is no point in me spending money on another girl when I know its not going to do anything for me. So Katie I know you think its not fair to me, but I want you to figure it out.

Now if anybody does read this blog, please don't bash on Katie, this isn't her fault. She just doesn't know what to do and in her mind this feels like the only thing she can do to help her figure things out. Not only will she get a chance to see if there are other guys out there, it gives her a chance to not be around me. Sometimes in relationships that is needed..a chance to see what it's like without that person in your life. What if you are at all missing out on. If this is what she needs to do then I respect it in every single way..Now it doesn't make any sense to me..But there is no point in me pushing her farther away by doing that..

Katie is the most wonderful person I have ever met in my entire life. When I first met her I knew there was something special about her and I had to find out. We talked for a week and then finally she was able to spare some time to go on a date. The date was amazing. We had a great dinner filled with lots of fun, and the evening just kinda went from there. Every time I kiss her it feels like the first time I kissed her and that electric shock is something that is a whole new experience for me and its one of love undefined. She has the most warm bubbly personality that I have never had before in someone I've dated. She never looks at anything bad in her life as something that is hurting her life but something that will help lift her up. She has such a warm sense of love for those in her family and those around her in every day life. Many times I watched her as we were out on dates helping little kids along o playing with them while we waited in line. Our first date she went out to the bathroom and didn't come back for 10 minutes, I thought she got lost! lol. But she walked out holding the hand of a little girl that was having problems in the bathroom so Katie stopped to help. She has such a selfless heart and would really do anything for anyone..I saw her cry for the first time last night and it broke my heart..I know this is something she doesn't want to do not only because she told me, but cause she doesn't want to see me get hurt. She has such a wonderful heart and is always putting others before herself.

She even though she disagrees with me is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. She has such a wonderful sweet smile and beautiful blue eyes that every time I looked into them I got lost in the angel that she is. She really is a wonderful daughter of god and she was an angel in disguise in my life. Every time we touched she sent sparks through my body, every time I held her in my arms I knew this is where I wanted to be I felt so safe and as if nothing could ever go wrong. She has made me a better person in so many ways, and if she does read this Katie I want you to know that I think so highly of you, you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met in every way. I've said that to other girls before but nothing and no one has made me feel quite like you have.. It wasn't as real as i thought with those other girls till I met you, and I learned what those true feelings of love were. Thank you for showing that to me. Thank you for making me a better person, and no matter the outcome of this break, I will always love you with all my heart. I will always be in your corner and be your constant supporter when you are at your worst and no one is there for you. I will be there. I hope and pray that you will figure things out soon and that I come out on top. But I want you to be happy sweetheart, and if in the end you don't see yourself being happy with me anymore but with someone else then go for it. I will be behind you a 110% always and forever. You are one in a million and I love you Katie.

Theater

Theater to me has always been interesting. The whole process has created a new world of stress for me and I love it!. I never thought I would get hooked like I have when I did my first show..I basically did the first one because my 2 of my friends were in a show that needed extra guys. Little did I learn that every show almost always needs extra guys. lol

Now here I am 3 years later rehearsing for my 20 show. It has been so fun and I've loved every minute of it. I've been given the chance to be in so many different shows and the character is almost always different. It's so fun to play someone different for a couple of months. I've been in classic shows Like 7 brides for 7 brothers, Beauty and the Beast, I was Aladdin for a couple of months which was amazing! I owe all my success and opportunities as an actor to my Directors, Music people, Stage people and everyone behind the scenes that make us all look good up on stage.

When it comes to the world of theater is often referred to as its own little world and mainly for one reason, and that's because it is its own little world. Once you step over the threshold of the stage you are thrown into a whole new world of Lights, Costumes, Dance routines, Countless lines, Blocking and the fun and stress of having to learn them all in a matter of a few months, usually about 6 weeks. Rehearsals are long tedious but at the finished product with a run that is usually 3 to 6 weeks you always leave wanting more. That doesn't even factor in the stress that most of us "theater" people go through waiting for our chance to audition then waiting for the next couple days to find out if we were good enough and impressed the directors and their staff for a callback, then the call backs are the last chance you get to impress not only the directors, but the chance to impress the choreographers by learning as much as you can a routine that's in the show in a matter of about 30 minutes. Usually its the hardest routine because they want to see how you move how quick you can learn and how you present. I hate that part, mainly cause I can't dance to save my life. lol. And the funny thing to me is that I usually get put in numbers that require you to be a good dancer o at least do what I'm told I do very well and that's fake it. Throughout these last 3 years I've very slowly started to learn how to dance and it really has been a fun experience.

I love when we get down to opening night and we get a chance to see how our hard work has paid off. We get to see the reactions from our audiences and bring a message to them that we have been drilling into ourselves for the last 2 months. Every movement is timed, choreographed and lighted to the teeth and basically we are just all out there doing what we love best. Performing. Being onstage is one of my favorite things to do. Such a great time seeing all the lights and people everywhere. Then after 10 sometimes 20 shows the run is over and most of us start with something new. The sad part is we usually lose contact with a lot of the people that were good friends in the show..We all go our separate ways and hardly ever see each other again. Sometimes this is really hard for me to do. Sometimes it's not hard at all.

That's one thing of the Theater world that I don't really like. It's a funny process to watch. The first day of auditions there are people making new friends and we all play nice to see who gets in and what happens. Then call backs roll around and more of us start being friends. Then the final cast is placed and we start the show and the friendships and back stabbings start to form. There we all are the first day of rehearsals were basically we all go into a room we get our scripts our schedules and we start to find out who got what part and all the little clicks start to happen. The leads usually spend the more time together away from the ensemble then anyone because they have so much more to learn and the ensemble spends all their time together learning all the songs and dances. Now about 3 weeks later the cast all gets together for blocking and running it all together. We do see each other a few times each week for music and so forth but for a lot of the shows I've been in we are each separate learning our own things till the blocking has to come together. And it never fails that there are always rumors going around. Or people are mad because they think they could of done better then the people that were cast in the lead roles.

I'll admit there have been some shows where I too have wondered if I could of done better then the leads that were picked and I usually come out dead wrong. But I keep it to myself. A team is only as good as its weakest member. There is no point in being involved o starting rumors, Not liking people cause they got the part over me o what not. The sad thing is that happens so much in theater. Just because someone got a part over someone else they automatically hate them, without even getting to know the person. And it sometimes can ruin a show. Its so sad to see and I try to avoid it at all costs. I love all the casts I've been in and while some have been better then others I try my best to stay away from the gossiping and the bad mouthing. The sad things is, is that it still happens and it hurts lots of people but usually just one. I hope that if we all get a chance to be in the theater world we avoid this at all costs. It's never worth it in the end.