The last couple days have all been a blur to me, the days just haven't been the same. My old routine that I loved of going to work getting off and going home waiting for Katie to get done and come over are gone for now and for the first time in my life its been so hard to deal with...I didn't realize how huge of an impact she had on my life till she was no longer in it..I break down at almost the slightest thought of her and I just don't know what to do.
Tuesday morning I text my bishop and asked him if there was any way he could met up for some time to talk. See if he could help give me some council to deal with this right now, he said he would be happy to meet with me on Wednesday and I looked forward to it. Now this was something new to me, I've never had the urge to go and talk to my bishop before after a break up. The next day rolled along and I was trying to figure out what to say and how to get the most out of what was gonna happen. Katie and me started talking again on Tuesday and we were chatting online right before I got off work. We had decided that we couldn't keep it up like this so we decided to meet up later that night after she got off work.
Now even though she was the one that wanted to take this break I still feel like it was something that I did even though she said it wasn't to cause this break in our relationship for the time being. From the moment she left my apartment Monday night I couldn't get a certain thought out of my head that I have some things I need to get with my bishop and take care of. So that's why I called him and asked if we could get together. When I arrived at his place that feeling was even stronger, we got talking and I told him that I feel like this is the reason that even though Katie feels everything is going really good, she loves me, wants to be with me, but at the same time something wasn't right. He sat there for a second and after a few he looked up and smile at me. He then started talking to me about Adam and Eve and how when Satan made them aware that they were naked and had committed a sin, and how he told them to hide and cover themselves when the Lord called out for them. The next part hit home for me. The Lord called out for them and when they didn't answer the first time he then said where art thou. In Moses it says where go est thou? We continued talking about how the Lord knows everything about you. Well most of us would go duh we learned about that in primary. But what was new to me is when my bishop said that sometimes the Lord will let us do things in our lives that may be bad for us to a certain extent then one way or another will be like ok, were are you going? its time to come back to me now. He then told me a story I have heard a number of times in church and in his meetings about a time in his practice were one of his best friends at the time also partner made up some rumors about him and it almost broke up the whole practice. Well my bishop went into a state of depression for 3 years. His prayers at night started to get less and less meaningful, and the most interesting thing he said was in his prayers he would tell the Lord that he just wasn't ready to give that certain thing up yet, and that's how it went for the 3 year period. Well he got to the point where he just wasn't anything anymore but a withering human shell, he knelt down and told the Lord I cant do this anymore please take it away from me.
I had gotten to this point in my life. But our Heavenly Father made me realize it in a completely different way. He put one of the most amazing wonderful daughters of his father in my path and said here she is. But there's a catch. I'll let you get close enough to realize how much she means to you, how much you love her and want her in your life. But that's as far as I'm gonna let it go. If you want to see the outcome its time to come back to me. Now that may sound harsh to some but to me I really needed that smack in the face..Katie really is one of a kind person that I would gladly give up my life for her if it meant she was safe. I love her with all my heart. Now wither this means that we will start up a relationship later down the road and get married o she is in my life to help me prepare for someone else I don't know yet. All I know is I'm so happy that the Lord put someone in my life to put me in my place. It's a funny thought to me that I thought last night..Satan knows your weaknesses, and if you think about it in a certain way the Lord uses those same weaknesses as a strength to bring you back off of the beaten path. This is something that I am going to be doing for me and also gonna be doing for Katie, because if this ever does mount to something else I want to be the best for her in everything that she needs and all her wishes of a perfect temple experience.. I left the bishops with a new way of thinking and some homework to do lol. Katie dropped by my place later that night and we set off to go find a quiet place to talk. I was really worried how this was gonna go, and to find out she was too. But the night ended with a great respect for each other and a great talk. We are going to continue dating but she is just gonna add some extra dates into the mix. Now that is something that is gonna hurt so bad to know..I don't think anyone wants to know the girl/guy they love is out with someone else. But it's something she thinks she needs to do and while it doesn't make sense to me I will respect it. Hands were held we cuddled some and there was even a goodnight kiss, something I never expected in my wildest dreams to ever happen so soon. I love that girl with all my heart and I look forward to the next few however long this is gonna take..It's gonna take some time to get used to her dating other guys, but I think its gonna be all worth it in the end. Love you Katie and thank you so much for everything you do for me. You are amazing.
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