Relationships

This is probably one of the hardest blogs that I have ever written, or the hardest thing I have ever written period... I was with the most amazing girl in the world up until last night when she decided that we needed to take a break...Now this is something that tears me apart...I love this girl with all my heart and I want her to be happy. Last nights conversation was filled with tears, hugs, and hopefully not last goodbyes..

After our movie we sat in my car and she proceeded to tell me something I always feared with her, but kinda had an idea would happen sooner o later. She loves me, she loves being with me, she thinks I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her, but there is something in the back of her mind that just doesn't seem right, and her only way of figuring out what that is, is by going out there putting herself back on the market if you will and date other guys...When she said this my heart sank. I came to realize over the week that I was gone in Indiana how much I was in love with Katie and how I would gladly give my life for her if it came down to it. I know she loves me too, cause I've felt it from her when she says it to me, but I know she is really hurting at this as well, she left last night saying she's hoping she's not making the biggest mistake of her life but it feels like she is...

Now I get to sit back and wait for that call o message from her saying I've figured it out and we need to talk, and honestly this is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to wait for. Mainly because in order for her to do this I have to sit there and watch her date other guys week after week, till she comes to a conclusion of what she wants...Even after then I don't know the outcome. She may decide that she wants to be with me again, o she may decide that she needs to move on. She wants me to do the same thing but I already found what I want and there is no point in me spending money on another girl when I know its not going to do anything for me. So Katie I know you think its not fair to me, but I want you to figure it out.

Now if anybody does read this blog, please don't bash on Katie, this isn't her fault. She just doesn't know what to do and in her mind this feels like the only thing she can do to help her figure things out. Not only will she get a chance to see if there are other guys out there, it gives her a chance to not be around me. Sometimes in relationships that is needed..a chance to see what it's like without that person in your life. What if you are at all missing out on. If this is what she needs to do then I respect it in every single way..Now it doesn't make any sense to me..But there is no point in me pushing her farther away by doing that..

Katie is the most wonderful person I have ever met in my entire life. When I first met her I knew there was something special about her and I had to find out. We talked for a week and then finally she was able to spare some time to go on a date. The date was amazing. We had a great dinner filled with lots of fun, and the evening just kinda went from there. Every time I kiss her it feels like the first time I kissed her and that electric shock is something that is a whole new experience for me and its one of love undefined. She has the most warm bubbly personality that I have never had before in someone I've dated. She never looks at anything bad in her life as something that is hurting her life but something that will help lift her up. She has such a warm sense of love for those in her family and those around her in every day life. Many times I watched her as we were out on dates helping little kids along o playing with them while we waited in line. Our first date she went out to the bathroom and didn't come back for 10 minutes, I thought she got lost! lol. But she walked out holding the hand of a little girl that was having problems in the bathroom so Katie stopped to help. She has such a selfless heart and would really do anything for anyone..I saw her cry for the first time last night and it broke my heart..I know this is something she doesn't want to do not only because she told me, but cause she doesn't want to see me get hurt. She has such a wonderful heart and is always putting others before herself.

She even though she disagrees with me is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. She has such a wonderful sweet smile and beautiful blue eyes that every time I looked into them I got lost in the angel that she is. She really is a wonderful daughter of god and she was an angel in disguise in my life. Every time we touched she sent sparks through my body, every time I held her in my arms I knew this is where I wanted to be I felt so safe and as if nothing could ever go wrong. She has made me a better person in so many ways, and if she does read this Katie I want you to know that I think so highly of you, you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met in every way. I've said that to other girls before but nothing and no one has made me feel quite like you have.. It wasn't as real as i thought with those other girls till I met you, and I learned what those true feelings of love were. Thank you for showing that to me. Thank you for making me a better person, and no matter the outcome of this break, I will always love you with all my heart. I will always be in your corner and be your constant supporter when you are at your worst and no one is there for you. I will be there. I hope and pray that you will figure things out soon and that I come out on top. But I want you to be happy sweetheart, and if in the end you don't see yourself being happy with me anymore but with someone else then go for it. I will be behind you a 110% always and forever. You are one in a million and I love you Katie.