Week of Love...and stuff

As we come to the weekend and I probably wont be getting on again till next week I figured I'd talk about this a little bit and let you into Mont's life of dating, or lack there of lol. Valentines day for me is a really hard day...I usually end up spending it alone in my house, Or out with a group of friends and all their girlfriends. I love being around my friends but on this day I'm never really fond of it..luckily its on a sunday this year so I wont feel so bad for just staying inside all day after church lol.

The reason this is such a hard day for me is I've never had a girl friend on Valentines day. And I hate walking around and seeing all the happy couples all the little flowers and everything...I was actually dating someone pretty serious last year(talked about marriage) and when it came to the week of Valentines day, she pulled me aside sat me down and proceeded to tell me that she realized that she never was actually in love with me like she thought she was and didnt want anything to do with me anymore...that was two days before, and that Valentines day was one of the hardest I've ever had.

Now everyone that reads this if anyone ever does and all my friends that know me and know I dont like this day will probably say your time will come just be patient, or dont worry you a great guy and any girl would love to be with you. I full heartedly believe the first. My day will come and when it does I'll be the happiest guy in the world..The later I have always had a hard time believing. Mainly becuase all the girls I've ever expressed interest in run from me at the first chance they can get...I just recently had a girl that I thought I had become good friends with over the last couple weeks find out that I had an interest getting to know her on a more personal level do the high school thing and completely cut all contact with me period. And I will admit that I've had a few girls that did show interest back we did spend time together and then as it always goes they find something wrong or as many of them say you are a great guy, I really enjoy being with you and spending time together, any girl would love to date you and you're the kinda guy I should be with but I just cant right now..Thats one phrase I've never understood. I should be with you, your the kind of guy I want to be with I just cant. And then I see them run off with the next guy they find that treats them like crap and really never cares for them in the first place..

I remember back in high school every year I would have one little crush, I think everyone does that. I wasnt the best looking guy in school and was only popular because I was playing football and was friends with all the popular kids..But when it came to girls I knew that I probably wouldnt ever get the girl I had the crush on. It just never worked for me that way. I always said hi to everyone in the halls that I knew and always took the time to talk to anyone if they needed a listening ear. I remember one day a good friend of mine Stephinie Bullock came up to me at the end of the year and asked if she could write in my year book. She was the girl I liked at the time but knew I could never be with and was a little surprised that she approched me. It was our sophmore year and I remember what she wrote to this day. "Dear Mont. Thank you so much for always saying hi to me in the halls and in class. It always made my day" I read it that night and was curious why she would say that to me so I asked her the next day. She was new to the school and said that it was hard for her at first to get used to it as it is for everone I think lol, anyway, she said that even on her worst day she could always count on me being there to cheer her up with my smile. She was gratefull that I was there to make her feel special and cared for..I didnt know and probably never would of known that me saying hi to people could have such an impact. We became great friends through out the rest of high school. I went home that night and thought a lot about what she said and made it a point in my life to say hi to everyone I could. And I realized that even though most or all of the girls I liked back then, most likely didnt share the same interest, but they always knew that the little goofy football player could always be counted on to cheer them up and be a listening ear. I love being that listening ear and shoulder to cry on for a lot of my friends, but at the same time it breaks my heart..Most of those girls could be with someone that would treat them a thousand times better then they were being treated, but a lot of girls in the good ol state of utah today and probably every wear will settle for the crap they get handed because he has a great car, he's way hot, he is super fit, he makes lots of money, he's way popular. And they will put up with all the crap they get because of these things and all there friends are jealous because of the guy she has. Its helped me to realize a few things. I'm not one of those guys. I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world, I love the car I have but it may not be that huge truck, or tricked out beamer. I've also realized that most of those girls arent even looking for a guy they may possibly spend the rest of there lives with, they just wanna be with someone that makes them look good to their friends or someone to cuddle with that they dont have to worry about hurting later on. I have a really good friend that I dated about a a year and a half ago or so, that right after we started dating started to date some idiot that she herself has said many times sees no future with. My question is why do girls continue to date guys they see no future with? Because you feel sorry for them? Becuase you enjoy the fact that someone really likes you and you dont share the same interest? Now guys do this all the time as well and that also bugs me...If you dont think its gonna work out with a person whats the point of continuing anything? I'd rather stay single then date someone that just has me around because she likes having someone hold her. And after the little vent there we are almost done haha...

I know she's out there...and I wish with all my heart that I was ready for her to come into my life so I could start my life with her, and we could start our journey through life together..I've always been told by my Relationship teacher at church that we marry our best friends. Well who wouldnt you wanna spend the rest of your life with? Someone that you can wake up to every day and act like the 5 year olds that just love seeing friends, I cant wait to look into her eyes and let her know every day how much I love her, and will always be there for her. To just fall asleep in each others arms and just enjoy life together..Now I know it will never be like that always but I've learned from teachers and leaders, and one of the things I plan on doing is writing down everything I love about her, and when those hard times come I can go sit somewhere quiet, and just read those reasons and be able to see her always through the eyes of the savor as he sees her. We are all not perfect, we have flaws and we get married to help each other become better people and reach the eternal goal. Something I cant wait to have happen to me.
I hope everyone that has someone this weekend enjoys there time together, and makes it worth it. I'll be chillen at home or with my family doing what I do best and thats being the dork I am lol. None of this probably makes any sense at all but hey it makes sense to me.. Happy Valentines day to those of you who are gonna go for it. And for the rest of us still looking, dont worry, He/She is out there and is wondering the same thing. But realize one day you will be the happiest you ever have been. That always helps me through the day.

God gave us two ears to hear, two eyes to see and two hands to hold. But why did God give us only one heart? Because he wants us to find the other one.